We see a lot of perfect lives these days, don’t we? They’re all over social media. Perfect views of gorgeous homes. Homes so clean you can eat off the floors. At least that’s what they seem to imply. Perfect children and perfect husbands and perfect wives working perfect jobs. We all know that it’s a facade. We know that our friends posting perfect pictures of their perfect vacation is just a snapshot of their lives (and don’t stop posting those, my friends – I love to see you having fun). But it can still leave us feeling a little inadequate.
My Memaw’s house was alway clean. She got up early in the morning to make sure it was clean, that the breakfasts were ready, that her girls were ready for school, that her husband’s lunch was made. Then she worked in the garden, she trimmed the hedges, and shelled peas. She had a freezer full of food from their garden and my grandfather’s hunting. If someone stopped by, she pulled out extra food to cook so she could feed them. If she sat down for a minute she’d say, “I’m being lazy.” That generation was built different. She also didn’t have the constant distractions of social media and 24 hour news.
I try to have people over as much as I can. Friends, family, my kids friends. Everyone is welcome. I love to make good food and share fun times. I love to make you a cup of coffee, give you a homemade muffin, and share in good conversation.
But Amelia, how do you keep your house so clean for people to come over all the time?
I don’t. My house is never as clean as I’d like it to be -certainly never as clean as my Memaw’s was. And I do make an effort when people come over, but if my house had to be perfect to have people over, I’d never have anyone over. I let that go a long time ago. I had to be okay with things just being okay.
And there are sometimes when I’m not all that okay. Days when I really don’t have it together. And it’s frustrating, because I want to do it all. I want to bake the bread and grow the vegetables. I want to clean all the things and have everything set just like I want. The way my Memaw did. I want to be the perfect mom, and the perfect wife, and the perfect friend. But I can’t do any of those things perfectly any more than I can keep my house in perfect order every day.
Noah has had numerous surgeries. Most people with his level of CP have. But about seven years ago, he had rods put into his spine from one end to the other. His spine had about a 32 degree curve, until he had his big growth spurt. Next thing we know, it had a 107 degree curve. It seemed like it happened overnight. He started having a lot of pain, and one of his lungs was under pressure. So we went in for the 8-9 hour surgery. I don’t know how the surgeons concentrate that hard for that long. The surgery is massive, and that day, sitting in that waiting room, I was definitely not okay. Noah’s smile wasn’t even as easy to come by for several days.
My social media is full of pictures of our family having fun. These huge, crazy college game days; days in the mountains; days at the beach; sweet, lazy days at home. Days where everything is okay. But we don’t take a lot of vacations, and my house isn’t always clean, and sometimes I’m just okay. Sometimes I’m not okay, and that is okay. That is called life.
So, if I have you over for coffee or dinner, don’t wipe the mantle with a white glove, and don’t look too close at the baseboards. If the sink is full of dishes, my day probably didn’t go as planned. But I love you enough to have you over anyway. And that is okay.
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